|
Today's Featured Biography
Robert Cornelius
After graduation in 1966, I was highly motivated to sell ant farms door to door in North and South Dakota. However, after 6 months and no sales (someone told Me I should not have stocked My ant farms with Fire Ants), I decided to change my career field to something I knew about. Thus, My next adventure was to sell the used grease from Cafes and restaurants (Crossroads Cafe) etc. to Proctor and Gamble to be used in the making of Brill Cream and Hair Jell. Well that did not work...Dah. Finally after watching the Movie American Gigalo, with Richard Gere, 40 years later..I decided that would be a good job......But being 40 pounds overweight, with a beer belly, and bald, I found few ladies that would answer the door when I showed up. As a matter of fact, not one opened the door after looking through the peep hole. I am still in search of My dream job, one where I can use all my skills from baseball, hockey, and football, doodleing my name on tablets, playing poker at 2pm with the local policeman, and skinning dipping on the Island behind Barnier's in Elk River. If anyone has any good idea, or has an ounce of compassion and can give Me a job, let Me know. I do get tired of watching Gerry Springer reruns at 2 in the morning. News Flash, just got an offer, from Stipes County Fair, They need an attendant (poop shoveler) for the Pig barn. I will go on My 3rd and final interview this week. Say a prayer for Me. Will update if get job, if not, check the obituaries daily for Me. .....4/6/2007 whoa is Me. I was turned down as a POOP SHO-
HOVELER! Get out the darvans and quailudes, I am going into a maniac depression. I passed the 3rd interview just fine (mensa test, IQ test, psychological test,smell and taste test?, but they turned Me down for Lack of Experience. Does anyone have some old outhouses I can practice on??? Well, I guess I am just destined to be on the Corner of Washington st ne and Broadway (next to B.J.' Topless Dancers club) holding a sign that says "been refused 18 jobs,cannot work,can You spare Your loose change for a bottle of Riple Red". Sorry, My Meds are kicking in now and I must leave for My shrink appointment. I will update this saga in the near future. 4/11/2007 Special News bulletin... I do not have to look for a job anymore. My Gorgeous, Lovely, and Charming wife (Dorian Raudenbush) has informed Me that she just got Her dream Job. She will be on the All World Midget Wrasleing Tag team Championchip Match to air the end of April/2007. She will get a Match,salary, and bonus's (dollars for biting..must show teeth marks on skin, hair pulling...number of strands pulled out, and eye gouging...if hanging out of socket, double imdemnity. Watch the tv ads for this event. They go by the "Sack Sisters"---Gunny and Burlap. They are Lean, Mean, and Green. Maybe They just need a bath to get rid of the green. Anyway, I can put away My BJ sign and catch up on the Gerry Springer shows I missed. This interviewing for a job is hard. Oops, just finished the last bottle of Silver Satin wine, I'll have to open up the last bottle of Kessler's--"smooth as silk". Will up date You later how the wrassling match goes. Up Date. flash bulletin, Doree went up against Little Lou Lou in Her first wrestling Match. However, LOU Lou weighed in at 459 lbs (She is the sister to Haystack Calhoun) and Lou Lou gave Doree a pile driver and then the atomic Splash. She is now just an ink spot on the center of the Matt.
Whats worse, Lou Lou's new adopted Pet dog gobbled up all the left over scraps and then chased Marty O'Neil out of the building. So much for Doree's wrestling career. I guess I may be coming to the reunion alone. Maybe I can go on line to the dating center and land a cute playboy bunny? I am going to go on tonight and will advise of any success....or failure on the next update. 5/1/2007 Holy Mackeral...In a dream last night Doree's spirit appeared and said She would haunt Me forever if I land an internet date. She would fly over My bed,destroy My viagra, and give any new date the worst headache in the world. (What does a headache and sex have to do with anything anyway)? She told Me to hold My tail, that she was going to be reborn the 1st week in May and I would meet Her in a very strange place and situation. Well, untill she comes back in My life....I guess I will just have to visit some oddball places. Will advise when We meet next time. AS Gomer ppile would say...Golleeeeeee, On My way back from Brainerd golfing, I stopped by the old buffalo House in Zimmerman, after a few cold ones, a lady came to the bar and was selling poppy's (for the vet's). I told Her I would buy all the poppys she had if she could guess My wife name. She looked at me kinda strange out of Her one good eye, as She adjusted the leg brace on Her one good Leg and mumbled "You Wife was that wild Roger's Girl that used to go to the St michael Ball Room and start all those fights over the Young guys....She would get all the Dayton boys to back Her up. You would just hide under the table and let Pete Bock, Vasseur, and the Corrows clean up the mess. "Her name is Dorian Rae Cornelius". I fell off the bar stool and before I hit the ground, Lee "Blues" Gamm picked Me up and said" This crazy lady has been looking for You for 30 days. I told Her to go to Minneapolis and stop at Mayslacks. You would be the fat, balding guy drinking wild turkey and doing the pull tabs. Well, She pinned Me down. I bought all the poppys, have no money left, and when You see Me at the reunion with this vagabond of a girl, have a little pity, and buy Me a couple double shot of wild turkey so I can forget the nightmare that I will have in the future. Boy those past lives I must have had to deserve this charma must have been real fun. I must pay the piper now. I plan on cleaning Her up a little. A new glass eye, wooden leg, hair implants on her head, and hair removal for Her mustache. Maybe no one will notice.....Oh, who am I kidding. Who never did notice the skinny good looking blonde from Rogers. Dorian Rae, My one true Love. See....This story is just like watching the Rockie and Bull Winkle show back in 1966. The Fractured Fairy Tales always have a good ending. Looking forward to seeing everyone at the reunion. BC
VIEW ALL BIOGRAPHIES
|
Indicates an included photo
